Recollections

I was born a girl and to my parents, it only meant one thing; I would be a servant to my siblings, husband, dad, in-laws and any other person who crossed my path in life. The happiness of my husband, children, family and extended family was important. I would be a cook, housemaid, sexual object to my husband, a mother, a nurse and all the commitments that come from being a servant wife. Learning respect and obeying was why I was sent to a convent for my schooling. My brothers were more important than me and when the time came I was prevented from becoming a teacher because I was a girl and that would not be my role in life. I was made to believe that my happiness was not important, only the happiness of others. My mum had been my role model and I firmly believed all that rubbish until my husband died. I was finally out of the cage and into a future of freedom and possibilities. To be able to learn who I was and what I liked. Finally, I was able to think of myself. My life from the age of two has been a huge rollercoaster and one that I never got the chance to get off until I was 64. I have kept a lot of my experiences to myself as I believed them to be my fault. I yearned for someone to love me and not abuse me and to be my friend and my confidant. The only unconditional love I ever got was from my two boys (my dogs Max and Sam) who left me when they were 16. I cherish and feel blessed by my two wonderful children's love but it's not the same.